Many among us have felt love towards people who have dismissed our feelings. This exact scenario, often called the anxious-avoidant trap, is described in Dutch singer-songwriter néomi’s song talk shit, the ninth track in her debut album somebody’s daughter released on May 3, 2024.
The song starts off with an upbeat drumline, followed by strings. néomi’s voice enters and tells us she “left you here trying to run from the ocean that stops right at our door.” I love this line; you can picture the precarity of opening the door to your home and seeing the ocean inches away. One bad storm and you have a flood on your hands. Moreover, the door is ours; her lover is running away and leaving néomi to deal with the ocean herself.
When we’re brought to the chorus: “yesterday we promised that tomorrow will be fine.” In a previous conversation, these lovers agreed to have a good day today. néomi then says “now we talk shit as we walk with feelings undermined.” Despite having agreed to be “fine”, néomi feels anything but and is stuck having a shallow conversation while being forced to push down her feelings.
In the second verse néomi says “you’re so sick of me craving feelings, I can’t deal with your loneliness.” These two process their emotions differently: the lover is overwhelmed by néomi’s needs, making her feel like they’re too much. néomi, in turn, is frustrated by how independent her lover is, how they do not need to lean on her in the way she wants to lean on them.
She immediately follows this sentiment with “silly faces, conversations that never end.” This tells the listener the relationship has positive aspects. They make silly faces at each other and talk for hours. They have a lot of love for each other, despite being frustrated with the other’s needs or lack thereof.
As we get into the bridge, the song builds up with the instruments coming together at once, communicating to the listener these feelings will continue to build on each other and crash like a wave; the ocean at your door will flood into your home. As néomi returns to the chorus and the song winds down, we aren’t sure if the lovers will resolve their issues, but we know they love each other.
talk shit beautifully communicates the experience of having deep emotions towards someone who leaves you feeling dismissed, while simultaneously feeling a comfort and intimacy with this person.
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